How to Survive Planning a Destination Wedding if You’re an Introvert

So many of my clients planning a wedding in Central Park are self-professed introverts.  People who choose to elope for their wedding, or bring just a small group of their very closest friends and family rather than have the big, traditional wedding close to home tend to be fairly introverted.  These are my people. 

If you are quite an introverted person, then you’re likely to find planning a destination wedding exhausting, even with a small group.  If you elope, then you’re avoiding a lot of the problems that dealing with others can present, but many of our couples getting married in Central Park tend to bring a small group with them.  Introverts can be terrified at the idea of all the attention that a wedding can bring.  There are some ways introverts can keep stress levels down when planning a destination wedding in New York, or indeed anywhere.

  • Plan the wedding for you.  So many couples tell me that they have started down the route of planning a big wedding and then realised that the whole thing was becoming more about others than about the two of them.  You and your partner are the ones who are getting married, so the wedding should be how you want it.  Discuss your wishes and needs as a couple, take your guests in to account, but ultimately you should do what you both want to do.  Keep a casual vibe.  The more formal the wedding, the more pressure you might feel.  Keep the tone light to avoid unnecessary stress.
  • Make a time line of the wedding day.  I help my clients to do this for their day in New York.  Make sure that you get a bit of down-time every now and again.  This might be before the ceremony, where you might want some time by yourself, or quiet time with just your family or just your bridesmaids.  Maybe you can get some alone time while getting ready; either have a quiet breakfast alone, or perhaps ensure that there is time for a little rest after having your hair done.  Take time out to be alone and breathe.  Perhaps after the ceremony try to get some quiet time with your new spouse, to appreciate the big step you are taking together.  This might be having your first dance, either just before or just after the photos, or possibly taking a cab to your reception separately from your guests.  We can usually find a way to sneak in a bit of alone time for the newlyweds in to a busy wedding day.
  • Consider hiring a wedding planner.  Lots of introverts tell me that it makes things easy to get to know their wedding planner quite well, and to only have to communicate their wishes to one person.  Some couples tell me an awful lot about their relationship, and that allows me to write their ceremony wording, but some prefer to keep the ceremony quite impersonal and keep themselves to themselves.  Whichever you choose is fine with us, and either way, this allows me deal with all the other vendors on the couples’ behalf. 
  • Keep your vows short.  You might want to keep what you are saying out loud to a minimum.  We can have a guest or the officiant read a poem or other reading that articulates how you’re feeling, and that avoids you having to say too much.  Don’t write long and emotional vows to say to your partner in front of everyone if you don’t want to.  If you do want to say something personal and unique, then bring it on a card to read out, or keep it short and repeat your vows line by line after your officiant, or just say “I do” and get out of there!  A benefit of having a small, intimate wedding is that the fewer people you have listening to you say your vows, the less self-conscious you should feel.
  • Keep input from family and friends to a minimum.  Accept help where it is offered, if it is what you want – you are allowed to say no.  Be selective about who you involve in the planning.  Advice is great, but introverts can find that listening to too many people can get overwhelming.  You will want your guests to be comfortable, happy and entertained.  Introverts are often very aware of others’ feelings, so if you sense that your guests aren’t happy then you won’t be either.  When planning a big trip abroad with a group, it can be tricky to keep everyone fairly happy and have the wedding you want.  Take care to strike the right balance.   
  • Communicate with your loved ones.  Tell your people how you are likely to feel.  Your partner will know you and your needs well, but it is worth taking the time to explain to your bridesmaids and your family (and your in-laws!) that you expect to find the day overwhelming at times, and you may need them to allow you some space to help you get through it.  They are unlikely to be surprised – after all they know you and love you, too.
  • Party a little, then rest a little.  Spread out the socialising.  Have your bachelorette or hen party at least a few weeks or even months in advance of the wedding, to give yourself time to relax in between.  If you want to, you can avoid events like bridal showers, and other wedding get-togethers the night before the wedding.  On the other hand; pre-wedding get-togethers can be a great opportunity for the busy couple to hang out with some of the people that they might not have enough time to spend as much time with as they would like on their wedding day.  So, if you have a big group and feel that extra celebrations as group will take the stress off, then do it.
  • Have some quiet time on the day before the wedding. This could be your spouse to be, or with your bridesmaids – someone who you feel it is easy to be around.  Schedule some fabulous New York sightseeing that won’t be with the larger group.  Many introverts can cope with one day of intensive social activity and attention, but it will certainly help if you have a few days of quiet beforehand to get your batteries fully charged!  Don’t fill your diary up with gatherings with everyone involved in the week before your wedding.  Take some time out.

It is very important to pay attention to how you will feel on your wedding day when planning your wedding.  The beautiful gown and the lovely flowers mean nothing if you are feeling anxious and overwhelmed all day and unable to enjoy it. 

So many women have been conditioned to believe that their wedding day is somehow the grand aim of their life – the best and biggest day of their life.  So, it’s not surprising that many brides feel huge amounts of pressure in the run-up to their wedding.  Take some time to consider what your wedding really means to you both, and take the pressure off a little.  Yes, it’s a big step, but it’s just a step.  You have probably made other big steps in your relationship together with less fuss and planning, and you will make other big steps together in the future, you have a long future together, so appreciate the wedding for what it is. 

If you would like me to help you with planning your own Central Park wedding or elopement, whether you’re from near or far, visit our website.  Keep updated with our news and see lots of beautiful photos, “like” us on Facebook, follow us on Instagram and follow us on Pinterest.  I’d love to hear tips from other introverts on how they got through their wedding day with minimum fuss.  Please add your thoughts in the comments below.

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